It’s been a while. This is the longest I’ve gone without writing a blog post since I started back in 2014, and to be honest, it’s really depressing. I’ve been feeling really uninspired pretty much this whole year, and I can’t put my finger on why. Every time I plan to shoot or want to get up and be productive, things don’t quite work out according to schedule and I find myself back on my couch, doing absolutely nothing. It’s a weird, unfamiliar feeling, the one that comes along with putting off the only thing you love.
I’m not saying that my passions have shifted, because that’s the farthest thing from true. My only happiness comes from doing this. However, I feel too drained and too tired to do anything, let alone create content. I’ve been losing my grasp on so much that it’s almost overwhelming. I have no motivation to survive school, to maintain relationships, to blog. I’m kind of just existing at the moment, waiting for this phase to end, but life doesn’t just pause. Everything is moving so fast, and I can’t keep seem to keep up. I feel as if I’m living in the past and everything in front of me is happening through a blurry lens. I don’t know what this is, but it sucks.
In the past, good company was the only thing that could keep me sane whenever I felt like this, but I don’t know honestly. That’s not really the case anymore. People grow, and I guess you either grow with them or get left behind. It’s kind of sad how that has worked out, but I thought I could rely on blog stuff instead to keep my head above water. Fashion week is usually the remedy. This February I expected to come back fresh from LFW with inspiration to get me on my feet again, but it’s been two weeks since then and here we still are. I just can’t seem to bring the visions I see in my head into real life, and it’s been getting me down.
I miss waking up early and working late. I miss the satisfaction of making content I’m proud of, not stuff that will just get me by. For that, I apologize. I’m working on it. I’ve been avoiding confronting my thoughts for a while, so the fact that I’ve even mustered up the energy to write this blog post is progress I guess. Writing is therapeutic in a way, so I guess I initially typed this out for me, but if you’re going through something similar, I hope this makes you feel less alone. We may not got it right now, but soon come.
PS- This post wasn’t planned, so the Photo Booth pic is the best I could come up with.