Hi, I don’t know what this is

It’s been a while. This is the longest I’ve gone without writing a blog post since I started back in 2014, and to be honest, it’s really depressing. I’ve been feeling really uninspired pretty much this whole year, and I can’t put my finger on why. Every time I plan to shoot or want to get up and be productive, things don’t quite work out according to schedule and I find myself back on my couch, doing absolutely nothing. It’s a weird, unfamiliar feeling, the one that comes along with putting off the only thing you love.

 

I’m not saying that my passions have shifted, because that’s the farthest thing from true. My only happiness comes from doing this. However, I feel too drained and too tired to do anything, let alone create content. I’ve been losing my grasp on so much that it’s almost overwhelming. I have no motivation to survive school, to maintain relationships, to blog. I’m kind of just existing at the moment, waiting for this phase to end, but life doesn’t just pause. Everything is moving so fast, and I can’t keep seem to keep up. I feel as if I’m living in the past and everything in front of me is happening through a blurry lens. I don’t know what this is, but it sucks.

 

In the past, good company was the only thing that could keep me sane whenever I felt like this, but I don’t know honestly. That’s not really the case anymore. People grow, and I guess you either grow with them or get left behind. It’s kind of sad how that has worked out, but I thought I could rely on blog stuff instead to keep my head above water. Fashion week is usually the remedy. This February I expected to come back fresh from LFW with inspiration to get me on my feet again, but it’s been two weeks since then and here we still are. I just can’t seem to bring the visions I see in my head into real life, and it’s been getting me down.

 

I miss waking up early and working late. I miss the satisfaction of making content I’m proud of, not stuff that will just get me by. For that, I apologize. I’m working on it. I’ve been avoiding confronting my thoughts for a while, so the fact that I’ve even mustered up the energy to write this blog post is progress I guess.  Writing is therapeutic in a way, so I guess I initially typed this out for me, but if you’re going through something similar, I hope this makes you feel less alone. We may not got it right now, but soon come.

 

PS- This post wasn’t planned, so the Photo Booth pic is the best I could come up with.

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4 Comments

  1. Heba Maher March 12, 2017 / 7:28 pm

    To be honest, I’ve been through this phase since the beginning of this month and it really is depressing. I even cried, no joke. I’ve been trying to motivate and inspire myself through looking at different things to help me clear my mind and set myself into doing something that is already planned. However, just like how your trip to LFW didn’t really give you a heads up, I also failed. I’ve been practicing fashion illustration for about four months now but I’m having the worst artist’s block (just like writer’s block). But I’m really trying to get myself up again even though I’m really stressed and end up throwing all my things back to where they where instead of finishing, that is if I even started to begin with. I do hope you’ll get over this phase as soon as possible because I know what you’re feeling; it’s like walking around with grey clouds above your head. Lots of love from your #1 fan. xoxo!

    • theurbananalyst March 13, 2017 / 5:44 am

      Ahh yes, the creative block. We’re so quick to assume we’re the only ones not doing so great, so I’m glad you could relate to my situation. We just gotta reflect, and grow from it. I guess that faith in that growth is all we got, it will come eventually. I’m rooting for you girl!!

  2. Blurryface March 13, 2017 / 8:00 am

    This sounds like depression to me :-/ I’ve been dealing with the same type of emotional rollercoaster you seem to be going through for around 5 five years now. I’m not saying that you have depression, or that you will be suffering with it for a very long time. All I’m saying is that I know what you’re going through and it hurts, it’s tiring and it feel like you’re the only person in the world. Hopefully it will get better, and you’ll be back to your wonderful self.

  3. ML March 14, 2017 / 6:49 pm

    I really admire your strength and courage to share this when our cultures are wildly unsupportive of expressing these feelings and personal concerns. I have definitely been feeling similarly since the end of last year. It’s challenging, especially when you can’t bring yourself to do what you love. I’ve found that self-love, patience, empathy, and diligence has really helped me, in addition to seeking help and creating a support group both in person and digitally. I hope you have a good support group that encourages you to be patient with yourself and/or are in the process of developing one. I think highly creative people are used to being so inspired and vivacious that when their dial is turned down even a little bit, the sensation is much more drastic and perhaps more damaging. But so many people support you, admire you, and respect you. We’re looking out for you!

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